


Strange Currencies

by brewstr



Series: song inspired Tallster one shots [1]
Category: Turn (TV 2014)
Genre: M/M, Short & Sweet
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-06-20
Packaged: 2018-11-14 23:17:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11218299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brewstr/pseuds/brewstr
Summary: a collection of short fics inspired by some of my favorite songs





	1. Me in Honey

Ben found a narrow staircase off to one side of the room to safely ensconce himself. The party buzzed on without him, his absence made no difference. He felt sick to his stomach from nerves and the food he’d forced himself to eat to fake the appearance of normality. He had known attending the party would be a bad idea. After a long day on a bad night of sleep and his usual discomfort in large crowds, he’d known there wasn’t much chance he would enjoy himself. But Caleb begged him, sending twelve separate texts in the space of four hours, all of which were some variation of “please come,” until Ben gave in.

From where he sat, stretched out and shoved against the wall of the staircase, Ben commanded a good view of the basement. The music boomed off the cinder block walls, the dance floor seethed and the ring of bystanders seemed to rotate around the dancers. Ben caught sight of Caleb, sitting atop a stack of four plastic chairs not too far to the left of Ben’s staircase, laughing at something somebody said. There were five, maybe six people pressed close around him, talking and goofing around. Ben wished he was brave enough to join them, brave enough not to mind that he couldn’t think of a single thing to add to the flow of conversation, brave enough to just be with Caleb without having to interact. But he felt extraneous, obvious and bulky—like a weight for Caleb to carry with him as he mixed into the crowd with his usual ease. So he removed himself and tried his best to convince himself it was better that way.

After nearly ten minutes Ben talked himself into contentment in his little hiding place. The walls of the staircase created a barrier against the noise warding off the headache that threatened him. If he couldn’t be home this was a tolerable alternative. He was fine. But of course Caleb saw him and had to ruin it all. Ben tried to wave him off but Caleb pushed through the crowd, stopped at a cooler to pick up another bottle of beer, then made his way over to shove himself beside Ben. Ben shifted sideways to accommodate him while simultaneously protesting. Caleb handed him the beer and ignored him, settling back with his shoulder pressed to Ben's chest. Ben was suddenly and painfully aware of his arm behind Caleb. He couldn’t figure out where it would fit without touching Caleb too much and a small panic set in before he decided to prop his elbow on the next step up and turn his head to rest it on his hand. He glanced ruefully at the unopened bottle in his other hand and decided it would be too much to try to open it. He put it down on the stair by his leg. He kept his breath shallow to keep from pressing too closely to Caleb’s shoulder and tried to find the amusement in his own awkwardness. But he just felt miserable and vaguely giddy.

“What happened today?” Caleb asked suddenly.

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“When you texted me you said you had a rough day. What happened?”

“Oh, just—things. A lot of things. The kind of small things that stack up into bigger things.”

“I didn’t need all the gruesome details.”

Ben passed his hand over his eyes and laughed.

“You really don’t. It’s not a big deal now.”

“You’re okay?”

“I’m okay.”

Ben tried to stress the words significantly so that Caleb would understand that he didn’t have to stay. He didn’t seem to notice. He stayed. Ben switched tactics.

“I’m just tired now. But you looked like you were having fun. You’ve got a lot of friends here. It seems a shame to waste your time on me.”

Caleb was watching him and looked away when Ben attempted a tentative glance at him. Caleb remained quiet and his face was serious. He shook his head and lifted his bottle to his mouth, pausing long enough to say:

“You’re about the last person I’d consider a waste of time, Ben.”

Caleb swallowed a gulp of beer and Ben stared at his profile, watching his lashes hover over the brown eyes gazing into the room beyond the narrow walls. Caleb blinked and his eyes shifted down to study the label on the bottle. Ben lowered his arm to rest it on the stair, the knuckles of his fist brushed against Caleb’s opposite shoulder.

“That’s—one of the nicest compliments I’ve ever gotten,” Ben said, trying to keep his tone lighthearted.

Caleb snorted.

“It’s amazing what you catch when you go fishing.”

“Oh, god.” Ben jumped to protest. “I wasn’t—I meant—”

Caleb was laughing now, nudging Ben’s stomach with his elbow.

“I know. I’m only teasing.”

“You need to leave me alone.”

“Not likely.”

Caleb tilted his head back and his eyes laughed at Ben. For a moment Ben felt alone again. Caleb understood so much about Ben, but he didn’t know much Ben loved the way that look made him feel. Something must have changed on Ben’s face because Caleb’s brows drew together and the laughter faded into concern.

“What’s the matter?”

Ben’s hand, in autonomous movement, unfolded from its fist and his fingers stretched to touch Caleb’s shoulder again. His arm tightened around Caleb and he watched Caleb’s lips part.

“Nothing.”

Caleb’s head tipped forward and their foreheads touched. Ben’s arm tightened more and Caleb was smiling. They both stopped breathing. All fell silent and time froze.


	2. Nightswimming

Caleb took him to the river on a quiet August night. Ben’s last year at Yale loomed over him, dark with anxiety and expectation. Caleb wanted to take his mind from it. They got down to the dock and stripped down to their shorts. Ben dove and Caleb waited for him resurface before leaping from the dock to land on top of him. Ben’s shout was cut short. The muffled sound of rushing water filled Caleb’s ears and he felt Ben’s arms around his waist, wrenching him downward. Ben swam toward the surface and Caleb kicked at him before flipping over to follow. Breaking the surface, Caleb shook the wet hair from his forehead. Ben was treading not far from him, laughing breathlessly.

The crickets hummed, the frogs sang and the boys laughed but everything else was silent. The moonlight rippled on the water and the stars flickered with longing, too dim to add their light.

They goofed off for a while, dunking one another and splashing around. Caleb dove under and crept up on Ben in the dark water, grabbing him by the ankle and pulling him under with incredible force. He laughed as Ben popped up again, spluttering and indignant. When Ben grabbed him and wrestled him under the water, Caleb swallowed a mouthful because he was still laughing.

Ben disappeared and came up farther away, swimming in even strokes further out toward the middle of the river where a concrete island stood above the water. It was a old support that was all that remained of the bridge that used to cross the river there. Caleb followed. Ben reached the island and waited for Caleb to catch up. They hauled themselves up to sit on edge, still and just listening to the quiet.

The night was dry for August, the breeze that swept down from the surrounding trees whispered the cool of the coming September. Caleb felt the air on every single drop of water on his skin and a shiver ran up his spine. Ben leaned back, placing his hands firmly on the stone behind him and letting his head fall back to stare up at the sky. Caleb watched him for a minute before laying down and looking up to follow his gaze. The half moon hung directly overhead, glowing benignly in the sparkling night. Slivers of clouds, illuminated from behind, slipped tentatively across the expanse, anxious not to detract from the beauty of the moon.

Ben mentioned how amazing it would be to live on a planet with multiple moons.

“Saturn has fifty-three,” Ben murmured.

“That’s so unfair.”

Ben laughed beneath his breath and moved to lie down beside Caleb. Shoulder to shoulder against the concrete, Caleb felt the back of Ben’s hand press against his. Caleb turned his hand palm up and Ben’s fingers laced through his.

“Thank you,” Ben whispered.

Caleb squeezed his hand in answer. They remained in silence, letting the night air dry their bodies as they stared into the stars.

He didn’t know how they laid there, but it didn’t feel long enough when they got up to jump into the river and swim back to the dock. Ben used his shirt to dry off his legs and put his pants back on, then threw his shirt over his shoulder. Caleb gathered his clothes in a bunch and led the way back to the car.

“You got a charge converter? My phone’s about to die,” Ben asked as Caleb started the engine.

“Glove compartment.”

Ben pressed the ceiling light on and reached to open the glove compartment. He pushed around to search for the converter, but something else caught his eye. He pulled a four-by-six photograph out from between the car’s user manual and a stack of Burger King napkins. It was a picture of the two of them in the same car where they sat now. The picture had been taken by someone sitting in the back seat, Caleb and Ben were twisted around the driver’s and passenger seats, respectively, to grin back at the camera.

“Oh, that was the day I got the car,” Caleb explained when he noticed what Ben was holding.

“Yeah, I remember. How long ago was that?” He flipped the photo over to check the back for a date or caption. “I can’t believe you still have this.”

“I put it there after your dad got it printed, and it just stayed there. It was six years ago.”

“We were so little!”

“Yeah,” Caleb chuckled, leaning over to study the photo. “You still had all your baby fat.”

“And you look so strange without a beard.”

“So it was a rough time for the both of us.”

“High school’s rough for everybody.”

They smiled down at the picture for a moment longer, lost in the nostalgia of the badly-lit snapshot of their younger years together. Then Ben lifted his head and pressed a kiss into Caleb’s temple.

“Thank you.”

Caleb looked up at him and tried not to look as pleased as he was.

“You already thanked me.”

“I meant it again.”

“You’re gonna be fine this year.”

“I will be if you stick around.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the description makes it sound like there's some variety here but sike both of these are R.E.M. songs and the next one will be too


	3. (Don't Go Back to) Rockville

“You _can’t_ move!”

“Why can’t I? You keep _saying_ that, but you won’t tell me why!” Ben appeared in the doorway, a stack of picture frames in his arms and an exasperated expression on his face.

Caleb had burst into the apartment five minutes earlier, after, only an hour previous to that, suddenly remembering that today was Ben’s moving day. He had rushed to finish his shift and flew straight to Ben’s to set up his picket line. But at this point in time he didn’t seem to have a very strong case.

“Just—because _._ ”

Ben’s shoulders sagged with complete irritation.

“You make a great point, Caleb. Help me unpack.”

“Don’t be mean,” Caleb shot back sullenly, sinking into a chair and folding his arms across his chest.

Ben disappeared again and Caleb could hear the rustle of newspaper as he wrapped the frames and packed them into a box. Boxes large and small were strewn all over the apartment’s living room. The couch and most of the other furniture was already in the truck on the street outside. The wooden dining chair that Caleb slumped into was about all that was left.

Caleb knew he had brought this frustration on himself. It was partly his fault. He realized he was in love with his friend just weeks before said friend announced he was moving back to Rockville, the town in Maryland where he’d lived for several years during high school and into college. Caleb should have said something earlier. But would it have made a difference?

Caleb got up and barreled into the other room.

“What the hell’s so interesting about Rockville anyway? I thought you hated it there.”

“Caleb, we’re _not_ arguing about this!”

“Too late! I thought you hated it there.”

Ben straightened and sighed heavily.

“I mean, what are you expecting to happen there? You don’t know anybody! You don’t even have a job lined up! You’ll probably end up working in some dead-end, minimum wage factory position with no possibility for upward movement. Then every night you’ll have to go home to an empty apartment and no friends and you’ll just sit there all by yourself!”

“God, Caleb, thanks for the support.”

“I _am_ supporting you. This is preemptive support. I’m supporting your ability to make a better decision and not move Rockville.”

Ben gave him a withering look, then rolled his eyes and turned to look around.

“Did you see where did I put the duct tape?”

Caleb bolted from the room. He ran to the kitchen and snatched up the roll of tape from where Ben left it on the counter.

“ _Caleb!_ ” Ben shouted after him, he knew without having to follow exactly what Caleb was doing.

“You can’t have it!”

“You’re such a child.”

“I don’t want you to move!”

Ben came to the doorway again and leaned heavily against the frame. He didn’t look angry, just tired and upset. Caleb felt bad. He sagged and tossed the duct tape onto the wooden chair.

“Explain this to me,” Ben murmured. “Tell me why.”

“I just don’t think you’ll be happy. I think you’ve convinced yourself things will be better there but I don’t think that’s true.”

“And what’s makes you the authority here?”

“I’m the objective point of view.”

“Are you?” Ben challenged, his eyes narrowing. “You’re being _completely_ objective about this? There’s no personal bias effecting this in any way?”

Caleb shook his head, more in confusion than rebuttal.

“I mean, it’s okay if you’re upset about this because you’re going to miss me. I’ll miss you, too.”

“ _Psh_ , no. That’s not it all.”

He ignored the wrenching in his stomach and cursed himself for lying.

Ben snorted softly and pushed away from the door frame to cross the room and pick up the roll of tape.

“I’m almost done in here. I need to pack one more box and tape them all up. Could I ask you to help me take them down to the truck? Anna was here earlier and helped me with the other things, but she had to go to work.”

Caleb shoved the last box further back on the bed of the truck some minutes later. He had to let Ben go. He couldn’t keep making up lies and excuses. If he wasn’t brave enough to tell the truth, there was nothing else he could do.

“Shoot Anna or I a text when you get there, yeah? Let us know you made it.”

“Yep.”

“You’ll be back before too long.”

“We’ll have to see about that.”

 

“Caleb?”

Caleb lifted his head from the kitchen table. Anna stood in front of him, looking concerned.

“You’re off late,” he mumbled absently, pushing the bottle of cheap wine away from him as if that would convince her he hadn’t drunken half of it in one sitting.

“Call him.”

“No.”

“You’ve been like this for weeks! I’m tired of coming home to you drunk and miserable and the apartment looking like a bomb went off. Do us all a favor, call Ben and _tell_ _him_.”

“I can’t! Annie, I told him I wouldn’t even _miss_ him. He probably hates me now,” Caleb concluded in a wail and his head dropped to the table again.

Anna regarded him with a mixture of pity and disdain.

“Okay, well obviously you can’t call him when you’re drunk. But we’re not done here. You’re going to call him and it has to be soon or something else will happen and it will be too late.”

Caleb, already slipping into a stupor, merely groaned in response. Anna threw down her bag and dragged him from the chair to help him to bed.

 

Anna came out of her bedroom several days later with her cellphone in her hand.

“Caleb, my mom’s on the phone, she wants to say hi.”

Caleb reached for the phone without taking his eyes from TV. Anna put it in his hand and Caleb put the phone to his ear.

“Hey, how are ya?”

“I’m doing well. You?”

It was Ben’s voice.

Caleb twisted around to look back at Anna. She was grinning impishly. Caleb shot up from the couch and Anna dove back into her bedroom with a triumphant laugh, slamming the door behind her. Caleb heard the lock click. He froze.

“Uh—hey.”

“I thought we got past that part already,” Ben’s voice had a laugh in it.

“Right. _Shit._ ”

“Anna said you wanted to ask me something?”

“Why would I—if I wanted to ask you something I could have called you myself, right?”

“Solid logic.”

Caleb stood there, dumb, staring down at the coffee table.

“I should have called you myself,” he said quietly after an aching silence. “To—to ask you about how things were going, and how you were doing and how you like it there and to tell you that I lied and I miss you a lot and I didn’t want you to leave because I couldn’t imagine going a week without seeing you much less the eleven it’s been since you left. I’m sorry I didn’t say all the things I wanted to say when you were here and I didn’t even say them after you were gone and I learned how much I should of said them then—then as in when you were actually here. I’m not making any sense but if you don’t understand anything else I want you to understand that I didn’t mean any of the shitty stuff I said before you left and I really hope you’re happy in Rockville.”

“I am.” Ben paused, “But I miss you, too. I told you I would. It’s been hard not seeing you. Not talking to you. But I guess I could have called, too.”

“Nah, it was my fault.”

“Not entirely.”

Another silence.

Caleb mustered all his courage to say, “You got a minute—or an hour? I have something I should tell you.”

“I’ve got all the time you need. What is it?”


End file.
